dolce vita

there were 3 people who validated what i have been going through. 

 

remember when we almost didin’t make it out of hour house on that typhoon?  the last one who consoled me was carlo, my ex-officemate and weird enough one of the closest friends i have right now.  we had a get-together last saturday and when we had the chance to talk alone, outside, he casually asked me “kamusta ka na?”. i replied, “eto, buhay pa”, then i broke down.  it’s still hard to really talk about it.  the flashback made it worse.

 

it started days after ondoy.  whenever i had the chance to rest, the flashback would start rushing in my head…that time when we were still inside our house and i was screaming for help.  it wasn’t such a small thing for me, apparently.  we could’ve died in there.  the door’s the only way out.  until now, that flashback keeps creeping when i had the time to think about it.  or sometimes, in my sleep. 

 

(so this is how second life feels like…)

 

i remember i used to be really scared of dying when i was a kid. now, i only think of it like i was about to go to sleep, i close my eyes, then blank. 

 

 

the good side to second life? everything.

 

i now see things in brighter colors.  i’ve seen the most beautiful thing at our get-together — the sunrise.  i’ve been wanting to watch the sun rise for the longest time. next time, imma look for a perfect place to see the sun set.

 

i now say ‘thank you’ and ‘i am sorry’ at every chance i get.

i am now braver to complete my ‘things to do ‘ tasks.

i stopped bitchslapping out loud. i mean here. in this blog. i stopped writing about the silliest things kids do these days.

 

until now i am still battling with the trauma.  it’s not easy living life from scratch.  this is worse than the time our rented house got burned. 

but i am not complaining..

 

i hope this will be the last time i will ever get to talk about the typhoon.

 

—o0o—

famous last words:

“Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don’t. Next time you look back, I think you should look again. “  (500 Days of Summer)

the “reliefgoods” look –> fashion backward

ito ang pinakahihintay ko, ang makakita ng hardcore authentic 80s clothing galing sa nagsipag maglinis ng kanilang mga closet!! laughtrip

shoulder pads kung shoulder pads!

syempre pati hairstyle dapat 80s. tiger look! rawr!

ganitong ganito ang sinusuot ng kapitbahay naming bading pag pupunta sila sa faces o equinox

terno kung terno! ganito damit ng nanay natin pag papasok sila ng work.

san ka pa? i-primary na to! hahahahaha

show some love. you’ve no excuse

kami po na nasalanta ay may natitira pang energy at resources para ipamigay / ipamahagi sa kapitbahay, sa donation box ng office at sa rock ed philippines ang nasosobra naming relief goods.

kung kami nagagawa namin, mas lalo po kayo na hindi gaanong nasalanta. matagal pa po ito. mas lalo po tayong kailangan ng mga kababayan natin sa northern luzon.  please po.

sabi nga ni ma’am gang — kahit isang lata lang ng sardinas yan, may isang pamilya ka na hindi pinag-isip kung saan sila kukuha ng makakain sa isang araw.

kung kaya po ninyo, sana tuloy-tuloy lang po ang pagtulong. hindi lang po bahay ang nawala sa kanila, pati po kabuhayan.

please, please, help in any way you can.

officially missing who?

yes, you.

meow.

whenever i see those particular place, car, food, song, shirt, scent — it reminded me of you. take care, kid.

How Ondoy Rocked My World

DAY 01 Saturday

i woke up around 10 am because my mother was putting her things up on the cabinet.  we knew that we’d get flooded, but not to that extent.  i texted my cousin that i wouldn’t get to meet her that afternoon.  when the flood came inside the house, i even took a video of it, while i was holding my 3-year old nephew.  we were 5 in the house at that time - mosha, fasha, marlowe, moi and brix.

in a span of 30 minutes the flood was already hip-high so we decided to go out and save ourselves. only to find out we couldn’t get out of the house.  the water inside and outside the house was forcing the door to get stucked.  i screamed my lung out for help, and i gave brix to my mother.  i did not stop screaming until i saw 3 men went inside the gate and kicked the main door really hard.  my mother immediately went out with brix and went with the man who lived at the front of our house.  their house had second floor.  marlowe and i went back inside to get our bags and documents.  then i remembered our celfone a little late cos it already fell.  my instant reaction was to save it, at least my sim-so i sank myself down the flood to look for the celfone. found it. and hear hadji, our neighbor say “oh”. he was shocked i think. i wasn’t. it was reflex.

so marlowe, hadji and i went up our roof using our wooden stairs.  my father was the last to come up.  then we checked the other our mother and brix on the other house.  at that time we were all soaking wet.

around 2 pm, our neighbors who had 2nd floor were contacting their relatives. i texted my sister using their cp and told her not to come home and to call 117.  i went back to the roof of our house and drank the rain.  out of curiosity, i wanted to know if i’d get my thirst relieved from the rain.  and it did.

this is the shocking part — from our roof we could see people coming from the right side.  i only looked once, and it didn’t leave my mind since then.  nakaupo sa roof na inaanod sa ilog yung nanay at yung mga anak nya.

around 4pm our neighbor next door and us decided to go up on the roof of their 2nd floor because flood’s coming in their 2nd floor as well..  i did not know exactly how many of us were there but i know we had a pregnant girl with us, a cat and 5 dogs.  we were at least with eight kids.  3 families were there on the roof from that time until 6 am in the morning.  we only had rice, sugar and salt as food. now we know what it’s like to make “dildil the asin”. yeah like so grabehhh.. kidding. it tasted so good.. not kidding.

no one at that time can make sudden movements because the roof wasn’t that strong.  so we just sat /  laid there, feeling almost frozen all night. i was chilling i think every five minutes until my head and jaws hurt so bad from too much “panginginig”.  and i was lying down with 2 dogs beside me, only to find out they were galisin.  hahahahaha.

i think the flood started to subside at around 4am.  my brother and father went down around 5 am.  at that time my eldest brother came–he walked from cubao to our house.  all night.

i only came down to go look for food.  and as expected, looking for food is a dilemma.  from day 2 onwards.

DAY 02 Sunday

i only went to jocson (outside our so-called subdivision) but got no food.  i only got to buy softdrinks which were the only ones available.  when i went back to the house my 2 brothers and fasha were taking out the mud from inside the house.  the mud’s ankle high inside, and it’s almost knee-high outside.

at that time i also saw my mother and my nephew.  i told them i couldn’t get food so i asked marlowe to come with me to bayan (marikina market).  we walked at the side of the river.

there were more than ten cars parked - no, not parked - slammed - that we saw along the way.  imagine our clothes got dried from the sun with mud almost all over our clothes.  i even smelled like an askal from hugging that puppy almost all night.  naawa kasi ako, no one wanted to hold him.

so we went to bayan and saw the whole establishment was closed. they got flooded as well. we walked some more til we got to blue wave and still it was closed.  the mall got flooded as well.  we had no choice but to go to sta. lucia with our get up (fabulous!).  we sat for a while because my knees were shaking.  we were so tired but we couldn’t rest for a long time.

we rode a jeepney to sta. lucia, and it was also closed.  but we found an open carinderia.

we ate there before we got home with the food.  pahirap din ang pag-uwi, there were no jeepneys. we got lucky a truck passed by so we rode at the back.. it brought us back to blue wave.  we walked back home.  okay, this is how far blue wave is from our house — from makati med to kalayaan (maybe farther).

oh, i forgot, on our way home we saw my sister with 2 of my aunts, my sister-in-law and my cousin.  they brought food and clothing and pillows.  my ate kept on reminding me now na awang-awa sya nun una nya kaming makita 2.

my relatives went home around 5pm.  my kuya, his wife and brix (their kid) went ahead as well.

this is what happened before it got dark: i looked for clean clothes to use after we’d take a bath.  and i cleanded our wooden sofa (4-seater) and marlowe’s wooden bed (as big as the folding bed). we used it to rest. the sofa was for us 3 (we slept sitting down), while the folding bed was for my parents.

DAY 03 Monday

cleaned the house.  mahirap pa ring maghanap ng ready food. 

*this was the usual happening from day 3 onwards: we all wake up around 6 am.  my mother would ask our neighbor to boil us clean water for coffee (charged 20 as well as when we’d cook rice).  after breakfast 2 of us would look for food while the remaining 3 will clean the house, check out things worth cleaning/saving, and fetch water (until now we still have no electricity and running water).  we eat lunch around 2 pm.  by the way, tuwing hapon nakikita naming umuusok kamay namin, i wonder why.  we stop working at 6 to fetch water for bath. then dinner.  listen to radio (my ate had a portable radio for her AM updates) then we sleep at around 10 pm.

DAY 04 Tuesday

a private van brought food.  finally help got to our street.

DAY 05 Wednesday onwards

cleaned the house.  la salle volunteers got near our area.  they brought food as well..

—o0o—

famous last words:

“kanya-kanya tayong injury sa paa.”

kating-kati akong mag bitchslap pero how could i? no more, no more.

cafe latte, anyone?

that was ankle deep, 3 days after ondoy.

my lovely friends–

salamat sa dasal at pag aalala.

DC clan, salamat sa suporta.

dito na lang ako magkukuwento, when i have the time.

hindi pa tapos yun paglilinis ng bahay.

love,

xxp

another senseless death. even our homes are not that safe anymore.

si marlowe kita sa pic =)

si marlowe kita sa pic =)

that man in white is pochoy labog of dicta license. ayun mejo kita nako sa pic =)

that man in white is pochoy labog of dicta license. ayun mejo kita nako sa pic =)

thats miggy. kahit nakatalikod makikilala mo sa tatoos

miggy chavez, kahit nakatalikod makikilala mo sya sa tattoos

aia and her lovely sneakers (i adore!)

aia and her lovely sneakers (i adore!)

marlowe and i at the left side (buti may photog hehehe daming rockstars. but we came for the vigil talaga malapit lang naman kasi)

marlowe and i at the left side (buti may photog hehehe daming rockstars. but we came for the vigil talaga malapit lang naman kasi)

ariel, peng and adrian: we've never met but you were not deserving a senseless death like this. no one is.

for ariel, peng and adrian

(photos from the pageman@flickr.. we saw buddy zabala, kris, vince and ebe dancel. quark henares. saab magalona. aia de leon. miggy chavez. pochoy labog.)

no one deserves to die as brutal as what happened with them, as well as with alexis and nika. let’s pray for a safer neighborhood.

if you could read this

(i know in my gut you’ve seen this blog. keep on reading, luv.)

she and i , we talked about you. she left you a message to which you did not respond. you opened her profile and i am guessing you’ve seen mine–which leads you here. ta-daah!!

(i am just assuming but the probability is high)

enjoying my blogposts? you see how i create different kinds of fiction out of you? it drained the sh*t out of me but it was fun.

i don’t exactly know what happened before (i was blocking out thoughts that did not involve me and you, that’s my excuse).

but for what it’s worth — I AM SORRY. mostly because i was never good enough for you. and that i loved too much. i am so sorry.

i could see now that you are happy. good for you. and if ever i write about you again (pretty sure i will), please ignore my vents. all of these wasn’t written out of bitterness; it’s just that you have been my muse for the longest time.

goodluck on your career.

goodbye and take care, my forever scapegoat.

—o0o—

famous last words:

“denial.anger.bargaining.depression.acceptance. congratulations, pach. you’ve made it through. you can now leave the program.”

*this entry goes out to tinay. i know you read this. peborit mong kulay pa, o. hahaha. kiss nellica for me.

i hope you liked my pangtitrip sa past ko hahaha. finally i could play words around him na =)

I think Alanis was talking about the eightfold path in this song.. is she a Buddhist?

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solveable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most
How to pretend you’re fine and don’t need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you’re serving or helping someone
Chorus
I’ll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you’ll never forget
I’ll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I’ll show you how leaderships looks when taught by the best
How to hate women when you’re supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you’re really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you’re a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success
I’ve been doing research for years
I’ve been practicing my ass off
I’ve been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this wellversed leader before you
How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you’re thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

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